Eve of the 19th

A universe of things happening tomorrow: my demo to the head of the another department at work, Harold leaving for Dubai (or was it Riyadh?), Hono'o-chan's birthday -- the reality of each refusing to sink in just yet.

•••
I still haven't started drafting my presentation, even if I knew about it for a week already. Seems when it comes to things like these, I revert to my usual college habits. I hope I'd be able to talk my way through with what I can work with. If not, well, it's no big deal. Not for me at least.

Our program doesn't need a dedicated trainer, I plan to tell the department head. No need to waste company resources on a relatively small account which can stand on its own and just ask for help when absolutely needed. Staying with ops as a Lead and functioning only as a trainer when needed is more practical.

Besides, all this position-hopping is not doing any good for my mental health. I'm not even a regular employee yet and I've done more leaps than Super Mario on mushrooms. Now I don't want to sound ungrateful, and I sincerely appreciate what the company has given, but honestly, I would be just as happy being an ordinary agent. Happier even, since it's closer to the Zen-ordinariness which I so crave. But who am I to fight when the cosmos thinks otherwise.

•••
I txted Harold this afternoon. I'm really glad his trip is pushing through. We haven't talked about it much when we were together, basically because it was just a passing thought back then. But now that it's really happening... I don't know what to feel. It's unfamiliar, but pleasant. All I know is I have a gut feeling Harold will be happy when he gets to where he's going.

•••
And then there's Hono'o-chan...

Weathering the Storm

A little disappointed this part wasn't in the movie:

ROGER: "Mark has got his work," they say "Mark lives for his work," and "Mark's in love with his work." MARK HIDES IN HIS WORK.

MARK: From what?!

ROGER: From facing your failure, facing your loneliness, facing the fact you live a lie. Yes, you live a lie! Tell you why -- you're always preaching not to be numb, when that's how you thrive. You pretend to create and observe when you're really detached from feeling alive.

It really hit close to home. Too bad recently I've been a little apprehensive referring to work as a temporary sanctuary. Past few days, a lot of things are happening -- specifically very murky office politics -- which are proving to be very difficult territories to wade through.

Regardless whether both sides have valid arguments, it's still undeniably a dirty affair and I'd rather have nothing to do with it. Which I don't, as a matter of fact, but with an account as small as ours, even the innocent ones feel the wave, and little earthquakes in between are unavoidable.

I called a meeting for my team before the shift ended tonight, told them to try and weather what's happening, and to not get involved anymore. If things go well, we can expect minimal turbulence at most. Otherwise, I will have to force myself step up and see what I can do about it.

Sigh. Honestly I just want a normal, ordinary job. Why can't one collective of minds just get along while going the same direction? But I think we all know the answer to that already. It's just that with a group as small as ours, it shouldn't be that difficult getting along, right?

Princess Serenity is right. Life is not a Great Game, but a Great Dance. Still, there are people who'd rather experience life as a Game. And I can't hold it against them either.