The Pathology Of Need

maybe it was because
he needed it so much
and i pitied him
or maybe it was because
i secretly needed him
but when he said, "be still,"
i acquiesced
for it was his word, uncontested
and i was merely a servant,
ready and able
and willingly blinded.

so he made love to me that night
and it was like lightning
and it was like serpents
tamed, but never mastered
slowly, but never gently
until, unbidden, dawn crept silently,
calming his enraged mind,
sating his tired body.

and when, as i lay there watching
his spent, silent, unmoving form,
when i heard him whisper
a name that wasn't my name,
i hissed a bitter apology
hating, despite of myself.
it was not his fault,
never his fault,
that tonight he needed it
and that i needed him more --
but because i loved him secretly
which, up until now was hopeful
but no, not anymore.