There is no great wisdom to be gleaned from this, I realize now. Nothing sage-like or poignant or moving. "Complex" doesn't even resonate well with it. As I stretch the creases out from my folded-up blanket and pat my pillows back into shape, I knew that the best thing I like about sex was the cleaning up after.
This epiphany, minor as it is, is one of the best ones I've had in this lifetime, honestly speaking. Used to be I'd curl up into a shallow cubbyhole of melancholia for a few hours, thinking about how very lonely I am, needing to have sex with complete strangers just to validate my self-worth, pretending to feel loved even for a few muscle-controlled minutes... But NO. Not really. I really just needed to get off, and there just so happened to be someone who was in the same vibe as I am, and messing around with that person seemed like the right thing to do at that time -- so we did. I can validate my self-worth all I want while we're madly grinding against each other, flesh on flesh on flesh, and oh yes, yes, whisper my name lovingly into my ears as our passion culminates into a steaming, sweaty, sticky crescendo, but as soon as we get our breath back, I'm hitting the showers, baby.
And if this had happened at a place other than my room, I would have actually kept my clothes on. About three months ago, I hooked up with a guy in his office. He asked me why I wouldn't remove my shirt and jacket. I told him sex with clothes on gets me really hot. Sure, that was part of it, but really, I just wanted to be able to dress up as quickly as possible as soon as we finish so I can get home right away and take a bath. Heh.
He just left, this latest trick, and all I can think of was, "WOO. Now I get to bathe and make my bed again." The flesh in my arms feels cool and taut as I pull the mattress back into position, and the scent of soap arcing through the air feels rejuvenating as I toss the pillows back into their places at the head of the bed. I feel clean and, very much like my blanket, crease-free and stretched out in all the right places. Nothing feels better than cleaning up after a quick tussle in the mud.
