Dark Places

Terrified of life.  Terrified of dying.  For the past few weeks--no, for the past decade, my life has alternated between running away, feeling shameful, feeding on regret, wallowing in fear, and steeping in anger.  I have been flickering from one dark place to another, I'd forgotten how it was to breathe without feeling thorns in my chest.  I'd forgotten how it was to think without claws raking at my mind.  Was there ever a time when breathing was easy?  Was there ever a time thinking did not hurt?  I see no light from where I am standing.  Only shame, fear, regret, anger, and dark, dark places.