It Gets Lonely

Elmer introduced me to this guy's YouTube Profile, and I have fallen in love with his work ever since. Apart from having a great voice, he has a way of singing songs that rends ones heart, quietly, completely. This song is my favorite, thus far.

From the About This Video section: "This song was written by two friends of mine here in New York. They asked me to perform it at a concert recently and, later, asked if I would put it here on YouTube. I wish we'd had the original footage, since I really liked the space -- but we didn't, so this was a new performance."


It gets lonely // so, so lonely // Surrounded by all these people // With important things to do

It gets lonely // so, so lonely // Surrounded by all these people // When none of them are you.

The meetings they are running late for // And the calls they need to take // Syncing calendars and appointments // on their cigarette break. // Blinking schedules and reminders // and the emails BCC'd // Wanting things they're never getting. // Getting things they'll never need.

It gets lonely // so, so lonely // Surrounded by all these people // With important things to do

It gets lonely // so, so lonely // Surrounded by all these people // When none of them are you.

Feels like I'm moving in slow motion // Or am I standing still? // In an ocean filled with taxi cabs // and people dressed to kill. // As their watches tick the hours // diamond dangling from their ears. // Like a symphony of silence. // Making music no one hears.

It wouldn't be this hard for me // if I knew you were still mine. // I tell myself I'm doing better // I tell myself I'm doing fine.

It gets lonely // so, so lonely // Surrounded by all these people // With important things to do

It gets lonely // so, so lonely // Surrounded by all these people // But none of them are you. // None of them are you.

Positive Vibes, Please

I have never experienced this kind of pressure from work before, nor have I felt the need to take some of the things I have to do home, but that's what's been happening of late. I don't mean to whine about it -- I do like what I'm doing, and I'm feeling better about my job than when I started over a month ago, but I feel like I still have a lot to learn when it comes to balancing things. I'm not exactly an absolute Godsend to the HR Department, but I believe I still deliver.

Sigh. Anyway, next week, two very important people in HR will be on leave, which leaves three people, including me, to make sure things will still be in order when they get back. I will be needing all the positive vibes I can gather.


Weekends have never been as important to me before as they are now. Hanging out in my room despite the heat, most of the times with Elmer, marathoning movie after movie after movie, has been a precious escape from the rigors of work. True, weekends bring their own unique brand of complications in my life, but honestly, these complications are a breath of fresh air compared to the climate-controlled, politics-ridden concerns in the office.

Maybe my only regret, between juggling stuff at work and walking across the tight-rope act that is my personal life, is that I have very little time to write anymore. Hono'o-chan said it best: "There are wants that go deeper, that make your soul ache when they aren't met, that eat away at you until you're nothing but a deep throbbing ache, empty and hungry and desperate."

I might have visited that empty room before, and I my fingers might have touched its cold, cold walls, but I did not want to stay then, so I left, and went back to living a life. I hope I won't have to face the time when I would go back -- and decide it would be better to stay.

This Is Me Being Desperate

Alright Internet, listen up. I didn't think it would come to this, but... well... desperate times and all that jazz.

Our company is currently looking for Distance Learning Teachers, and we need about thirty before the end of April. The only tough requirement is that one should have excellent English communication skills. And when I say excellent, I mean a near-native command of the language.

OK, so if anyone is interested, send a message over to our Y!M ID, careers.ipcco, or your resume at careers [at] ip-cco.com. Please make sure to include DISTANCE LEARNING in the Subject field, and to mention that you got the information from my bloggie.

Also, I would really appreciate it if you guys can spread the word! I promise to be like, a slave for half a day or whatever. Haha. Basta, I'll come up with something to repay you guys with, once we complete the thirty that we need by the end of April. So anyway, thanks in advance!

All I Can Say Is

TANG. INA. Fuck weekdays. I LIVE FOR THE WEEKENDS!

True Neutral Human Bard FTW!

Got this from Hono'o-chan, who got it from Rocky. This behemoth of a survey has a hunnert and twenty nine questions, so you can be damned well sure I'll be posting this here. Twenty minutes worth of nappy time well-spent, I should say.


ABILITY SCORES

• Strength ----- 12


• Dexterity ---- 12


• Constitution - 13


• Intelligence - 14


• Wisdom ------- 12


• Charisma ----- 12

ALIGNMENT

A true neutral character does what seems to be a good idea. He doesn't feel strongly one way or the other when it comes to good vs. evil or law vs. chaos. Most true neutral characters exhibit a lack of conviction or bias rather than a commitment to neutrality. Such a character thinks of good as better than evil after all, he would rather have good neighbors and rulers than evil ones. Still, he's not personally committed to upholding good in any abstract or universal way. Some true neutral characters, on the other hand, commit themselves philosophically to neutrality. They see good, evil, law, and chaos as prejudices and dangerous extremes. They advocate the middle way of neutrality as the best, most balanced road in the long run. True neutral is the best alignment you can be because it means you act naturally, without prejudice or compulsion. However, true neutral can be a dangerous alignment because it represents apathy, indifference, and a lack of conviction.


RACE

Humans are the most adaptable of the common races. Short generations and a penchant for migration and conquest have made them physically diverse as well. Humans are often unorthodox in their dress, sporting unusual hairstyles, fanciful clothes, tattoos, and the like.


CLASS

Bards often serve as negotiators, messengers, scouts, and spies. They love to accompany heroes (and villains) to witness heroic (or villainous) deeds firsthand, since a bard who can tell a story from personal experience earns renown among his fellows. A bard casts arcane spells without any advance preparation, much like a sorcerer. Bards also share some specialized skills with rogues, and their knowledge of item lore is nearly unmatched. A high Charisma score allows a bard to cast high-level spells.


DETAILED RESULTS

• Lawful Good ----- XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX (16)


• Neutral Good ---- XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX (21)


• Chaotic Good ---- XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX (20)


• Lawful Neutral -- XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX (18)


• True Neutral ---- XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX (23)


• Chaotic Neutral - XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX (22)


• Lawful Evil ----- XXXXXXXX (8)


• Neutral Evil ---- XXXXXXXXXXXXX (13)


• Chaotic Evil ---- XXXXXXXXXXXX (12)




• Law ----- XXXXXX (6)


• Neutral - XXXXXXXXXXX (11)


• Chaos --- XXXXXXXXXX (10)




• Good ---- XXXXXXXXXX (10)


• Neutral - XXXXXXXXXXXX (12)


• Evil ---- XX (2)

RACE

• Human ---- XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX (15)


• Dwarf ---- XXXX (4)


• Elf ------ XXXXXXXXXX (10)


• Gnome ---- XXXXXXXXXX (10)


• Halfling - XXXXXXXXXXXX (12)


• Half-Elf - XXXXXXXXX (9)


• Half-Orc - XX (2)

CLASS

• Barbarian - (-8)


• Bard ------ XXXXXXXX (8)


• Cleric ---- (-6)


• Druid ----- XX (2)


• Fighter --- (-2)


• Monk ------ (-19)


• Paladin --- (-23)


• Ranger ---- XX (2)


• Rogue ----- XX (2)


• Sorcerer -- XX (2)


• Wizard ---- (0)

Find out What Kind of Dungeons and Dragons Character Would You Be?, courtesy of Easydamus.

The Persistence Of Thought

The coffee was already cooling when I took the first sip. I'd forgotten I'd taken a mug with me as soon as I set it down beside the keyboard and fired up my computer. Elmer didn't bother changing and went straight to bed. I sat cross-legged on my chair and started absentmindedly fingering my mobile phone while waiting for the machine to boot up. I wondered if Mikey was still going to txt when he gets home. He looked tired when he and Vergel got inside the cab. As a matter of fact, we were all pretty tired. For about four hours into the night, we were singing our lungs out as if the fate of humanity depended on how loud we can sing each song. I would have actually been surprised if any of us still had energy on reserve left at the end of the evening to keep us awake for another thirty minutes, give or take -- so I suppose I could forgive Mikey for not being able to txt anymore. Besides, I'm sure I'd see him online when he wakes up.

And I, although exhausted, was not the least bit sleepy, oddly enough. I remembered the reason why I told Elmer I wanted to take a long walk in the first place. Long story short, I have been informed through txt message that there have been unexpected changes regarding a project we've been working on, causing delays in certain things related to said project -- things we have worked considerably hard for. Possible consequences started tumbling through my mind, and I Just Did Not Want to think about it, let alone on a Saturday night. Hence the walk.

Meeting up with Mikey was completely spontaneous. His schedule has always been hard to pin down, so even though we lived in the same city, it was a rare occasion for us to find time to hang out. Tonight though, he was with several of his friends, boozing and singing at Cable Car in Pasay Road. Being a relatively walkable place, Elmer and I decided to meet up with him. We took our time getting there however, so when we finally got to the place, most of Mikey's friends were already leaving. Only one guy -- Vergel -- decided to stay. For the next few hours, the four of us talked and sang and talked and sang some more, and I could never have imagined a more complex mix of minds gathered at a bar table on a Black Saturday Night. In a word, it was cathartic. In two words, it was pleasantly unexpected. And in seven, it was something we all needed to learn from.

It's pushing eight in the morning right now, but exhaustion still hasn't taken over my senses completely just yet -- at least not to the point of making me want to lie down and sleep. I'm still thinking of the night that was, and how the decision to walk and then meet up with Mikey -- although simple and seemingly ordinary occurrences in themselves -- have inexplicably, profoundly, and strangely affected me in ways deeper than I never would have guessed when Elmer and I stepped out the door earlier in the evening. Perhaps this is the Universe's way of letting me know that the way I process new things and events have evolved, much like the way I switch on Autopilot when things routinary trigger my senses. Or maybe I'm just over analyzing things, the way a mind awake for almost 24 hours would.

Meanwhile, coffee's almost gone, and the first rays of Sunday morning sunlight are streaming through the little cracks in my room's old wooden walls. I conceded, and accepted that there was no real point in me staying awake, so I will be sleeping in a bit. Here's to hoping when I wake up, things would make a little more sense than the kaleidoscope of ideas currently running through my head.

Gift, 2

Lost in the sea's
unforgiving blue,
I seek you.
Before me
the day unscrolls
its naked scripture:
sun, vision's burning field,
islands, faint presences
crumbling in the distance,
water, the fickle immensities
life is made
constant by.
And it strikes me
I love the sea
because it borders
this suffering world
and the next:
the soul, it is said,
travels in a boat
from a winding inland river,
homing clear-eyed
toward the ocean --
which is the bottomless
beyond.
And I know:
here, upon this beach,
wash the crushed remains
of what was once mortal:
bone and kelp,
driftwood and tentacle,
porous red coral --
keepsakes
life leaves behind
before
dissolving
back to brine.
I am home here, then,
whom the world
never loved,
and from its torn edges
I can almost see
it all end:
an onrushing tide,
a radiant sea swell
sweeping away all appearance,
gentle eddies
whittling the self
till it is no longer
even sand.
I think of you
landlocked and lost
in another element --
your body.
The sea teaches me
love is a wish
not for safety
but for destruction.
I am not ashamed
to admit it:
I love you
the way water loves.
Which is to say
I wish the world
were through with you,
so you could return to me
ravaged, upon this shore:
a shell
held tight
inside my palm.


J. Neil Garcia, from Ladlad 3

That one was for you, R. Happy Birthday.

Through Blurred Vision

There are times when I'd rather not wear glasses; when I'd rather move through a world of perpetual motion blur. During these times it becomes easier to blend in, be invisible, and, when I want it bad enough, even disappear.

All weekend I wanted to disappear. Of course I didn't mean that in the absolute sense. Just temporarily, over the weekend. I felt like I needed to recharge, to take back parts of me that have been slowly breaking off from my skin -- as they have often done in the past.

I was only mildly surprised at the calm surrender in which I accepted this sudden yearning to disappear, to retreat, as if it's all happened before, and I already knew what to expect as well as what to do. I didn't even notice my mind pacing, rhythmic and deliberate, like heartbeats and footfalls. One, two, three, it counted. Familiar situations trigger switches in me -- switches I have painstakingly built and eventually mastered over the years of drafting emotional blueprints -- and they conveniently set me on autopilot.

This is what I must have evolved into, I thought with wonder. And for a moment, the cold, machine-like efficiency in which my mind registered the situation... scared me. But the world continues to be blurry, and by my will, every cell in my body melts into the atmosphere. I exhale an affirmation into the air, "Today, I become no different from everyone else."

I'll Take What I Can Get

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A More Solid Foothold

So how have you been, Internet? It's been a week since I've started down this new path I'm in, and I'm still trying to get a more solid foothold. Human Resources is a new domain for me, but it's something I've been meaning to dip into. So far, I feel like there's still a lot for me to learn, and I should concentrate on getting a more stable mindset on what I should be doing. To say things are totally different where I am now is an understatement. In operations, there are firm guidelines on how and when things should get done, but here, a lot relies on one's sense of judgment. Sure there are still protocols to follow, but they are strictly reserved for more mundane things such as paperwork and number-crunching. Most of the shift is spent on talking and dealing with people... something I'm still not sure if I'm comfortable doing, to be perfectly honest.

Ah, well. One thing's for sure, I'm not going to quit on this one easily. I am determined to get things done right this time. Even though I feel inadequate and, well, ill-equipped, a lot of people believe I can pull this off anyway. For everyone's sake, I hope they're right. :-)