I told my parents if I don't manage to get my shit together by the time I'm 25, I'll be entering priesthood instead. Of course most of it is jest, like when I say, "damn I need a boyfriend," and I think they knew I was just kidding too... but maybe there's a part of me -- a really, really small part of me -- that means it. Maybe not a Christian priest, but another Order somewhere. I'll find something.
Anyway the point is, if I don't stray from the path I'm on right now, I think it will only be a little more and I might be crossing the Rubicon already. No looking back, no more chances of making up for lost time.
Fine, I'm not getting any younger and FINE, I still don't know what I want to do with my life, but this is the road I laid out for myself and I have to deal with the consequences trailing the decisions I've made -- just as I've done many, many times before -- whether they be good or otherwise.
Remember the words of Lady Eowyn to Lord Aragorn when they were preparing to depart for Helm's Deep?
"What do you fear, my lady?" Aragorn asked her.
"A cage." One must have noticed a strange clarity in Eowyn's eyes. She goes on to say, "To stay behind bars, until use and old age accept them, and all chance of doing great deeds is gone beyond recall or desire."
Those words have haunted me since I heard them. But who knows? Maybe I have crossed the Rubicon. Maybe there is no more desire in me to stray from the path I am on.
For the sake of the people who need me, I hope I'm wrong.
