I knew enough not to think about it too much so as not to jinx it, but I wasn't able to keep myself from vibrating with excitement. I was as giddy as a twelve-year old boy who just discovered his penis. I even took my favorite shirt off of its holy place inside my months-long untouched closet and laid it out reverently just for the occasion. It smelled of Downy and old things and it did nothing to curb my excitement.
But, as high as my pulse was, at the back of my mind I knew that everything I was doing was just a strained effort, a futile attempt at preventing the inevitable. I knew that the evening was going to be an escalator to nowhere and I was already clawing my way back to the top.
Still. I was on a high and I wanted to hold on to it for all it was worth.
And as the cosmos decreed, what I was expecting did happen.
He picked me up from my friend's house and then he gave me a ride home. That was it. Short and sweet and proper and cute as a button. He was pleasant throughout the ride, all the while trying to keep up the smallest of small talks.
I knew his mind was somewhere else. He could have been thinking of Europe for all I care, but the point was... maybe I was annoyed that I didn't even register. If he had a blog, I don't think I'd even qualify for a blog entry.
I caught his line of sight while he was talking and waiting for a stoplight to turn green, and I knew. At that moment, I knew all the clouds in my mind were dispelled. In that clarity, I knew that was it. This was going to be the last time our threads would cross. The universe had a heart-shaped bullet and it fired incessantly at me, exploding silently into the night.
My first rejection of the season. I'm back in the game. :-)
