In other news, I had dinner with some of my previous officemates last night. At first I was apprehensive on going out but the moment I saw them inside Gerry's at Prudential, all traces of worry evaporated from my being and I was immediately awash with gladness in seeing them again.
Dinner was very animated as we all had a lot of stories to tell -- how they were doing, how I was doing, the latest office gossip, love teams, and everything else that's fit to be among friends and good food. It was all devoid of any complications, perchances, and happenstances and it was great.
Not only that. I like myself when I'm with them! It's almost as if I'm a totally different person and I myself can't believe I'm capable of being outgoing, chatty, and all out happy... but I was and I swam in it. I reveled in it. Life was a sparkling champagne and I was drunk. I wanted to hold on to that sweet inebriation for as long as I can.
Towards the end of the evening, after seeing Abba off to her cab ride home and I was walking the midnight streets of Makati CBD, I thought hey this isn't so bad. Sure I may not be living the life someone like myself could have been capable of living, but I'm doing ok.
I have friends that I love, and my family is not even remotely close to being ideal, but we do care about each other. I'm even amazed at how patient they've been with me, putting up with my shit for a long time and still manage to keep me with them! All in all I'm still eternally grateful.
At the start of this entry I thought I'd wanted to write about sliding down on a feeling of resolute surrender. I thought it simply meant I was giving up. Instead it took on a life of its own and showed me another perspective of what I was going through.
Things can still be better I know, and I might still be meant to go through a hell lot more... but even if the universe decides to take me now, I wouldn't have a problem at all. "OK" might be the best I could hope for, but "OK" is good enough for me. Because I know I've made a difference, one way or another. I'm sure of it.
I'm really glad I went out last night. :-)
para sa inyo 'to ate fe, dada, tiyang mameng (na wala sa litrato, pero
alam kong gusto nyang sumali). marami kayong naituro sa'kin.
kita-kita tayo ulit. :-)
