I honestly just want to get along with people. Honestly. I don't even want people to like me. Just, "Hey look, it's Podi," and then they'd get on with their lives. I don't want to aggravate anyone or make anyone think that I'm trouble.
But there are certain times when I can't help being enraged -- either by something or by someone -- and let my emotions fly out like some hundred runaway kites in a Pacific thunderstorm.
This afternoon, I took one more victim. I didn't mean to. I was having an OK day -- planning on opening my own bank account (after 23 years, I know), buying a new book, and visiting a friend at the hospital. But there really are some people who, no matter how painfully I strive for cosmic harmony, just grate my nerves by merely expressing an iota of their existence in my life.
I look up to people for their skill, their individuality, their faith, their principle, among other things... but if I sense a trace of doubt -- if that person can't make me believe s/he is worth following -- even if it just barely hinted its existence within, then I apologize but my respect will waver.
I realize this is not necessarily a good thing on my part. And I understand I only see my side of things. But believe me when I say I know what I'm doing. I know in my heart I do. And I will not compromise my principles for anything. Especially not for someone like YOU.
