Everyday, my mother has always made it known how dissatisfied she is with her life -- whether she's aware of it or not. She does her best, though, and we can see and appreciate that. Sometimes, however, her resilience takes its toll, and the darkness that grips her starts leaking out.
Today is my mother's birthday. Normally, the sound of my mother shouting at my father in the morning would be commonplace, inconsequential -- a bland fixture during weekend mornings. On a day like this, it's just sad. "O, birthday mo ngayon ah," I said to her. "San ka punta?" "Kahit saan," she answered, plates banging, the chorus of forks and spoons shaking the air, eyes unseeing. It made me afraid to talk to her.
I hope she's seeing my sister today, though. Ever since my sister moved out after she finished college, they've been getting along real well -- a stark contrast to their relationship when my sister was still living here. Used to be they were the ones who were at each other's throats. Now, my mother would spend most of her free time at my sister's house, helping her and her husband with whatever it was that needed helping. It gives me relief that it affirms her, and I am glad my sister's life resonates with my mother, somewhat.
Still, she lives here with me and my brother and my father. However way she chooses to spend her day, I hope she finds a little pocket of peace. And it's rare, but I hope when she comes back, I get to see that little glimmer in her spirit after she's done something she'd always wanted to do. I hope my mother gets to do what she wants to do today.
