Oh who am I kidding. I've been a nervous wreck because of this job. Well no, that's not being accurate. I am a nervous wreck at what taking this job implies. It means I have to start getting my shit in order. It means I will have to surrender to the system as I have before. It means I will once again cling to responsibilities ordinary humans are supposed to have. And although I am not totally opposed to meeting new friends, facing a fresh array of personalities means a different version of myself will be coaxed out, no matter how much I deny it.
It's happened before, and it's undoubtedly going to happen again. I'm not saying I regret it. I know how giving up a part of oneself in order to move on and accept a new piece given to you is an essential step on everyone's life path and I understand that. It's just that... the sheer randomness of it all, the free-falling sensation not knowing when you'll hit rock bottom... scares me.
I'm not getting any sleep, that's for sure.
