Of Writing And Pleasant Things

i miss writing. of the pen and paper variety. i miss sitting down on a bench at this quiet park i knew so well five years ago, writing down my thoughts on an old and beaten notebook with a cheap black panda ballpen (and sometimes accompanied with 24-color crayons if the mood hits me).

all my highschool journals are now being kept by my hono'o-chan. why did i give it to her? sad reason. back then i had this feeling i wouldn't last one more year. and i didn't want anybody else, not even my family, to handle the things that were most precious to me. so i gave all my journals to her.

the year went, jeering all the way, and i was still breathing. but somehow i couldn't bring myself to take my journals back. i'm afraid of having to look back and see what i was like being young.

i don't like the taste regret leaves in my tongue. so as much as possible i do things i know i wouldn't look back on and frown at. but remembering what it was like being me five, six years ago...

... makes me thankful since at least now i know better. HAH.

anyway i still get to write. at least now my left hand isn't just left lazily playing with my hair while my rigt hand is writing. now both hands get to play with the letters spilling out from my brain. i love my lappie! lol...

(of course i love my bug too, with the deepest eyes, and the softest fingers, and the weirdest musical taste that so very much matches my own. heh.)

but still. there's that feeling. (eerie. silent. subtle.) an echo from somewhere inside me that's saying it wants to write... something. something worthwhile. something meaningful. i've started feeling it weeks ago, and i guess that's why i started writing about Julian (of a few posts back). there's not really any solid plotlines, and it's not intended to lead to anything... but anyway, i guess you could say it's like masturbating. stroking my brain, stimulating it to a peak, opening it up, until it reaches an orgasm of sorts. like, coaxing something to come out.

my temples are tingling. i hope i come soon.