Sentimentally Bohemian

tired. sniffly. got home at 5AM alternating between two parties -- studio 23's bay break at roxas and the white party at malate. it's been a long time since i stayed out this late, getting buzzed, being rained on, dancing (ok fine, swaying in place), and generally just feeling so young and (oddly) bohemian.

actually, i have googles of emotion churning in my brain right now, each wanting to be granted attention. but i'm too tired. too sedate. too much missing my bug...

i felt a bit bad because i know i shouldn't have gone to the parties without him but i still did. i guess it's a weakness. but something really turned out great about it. i realized i really do love him. not that i didn't love him before, or i loved him less, but it was more apparent in me that i do think about him when he's not around. and other people notice it too.

i bumped into some of our friends and the second thing they always ask me after saying hi is, "where's harold?" it makes me feel good to know that people are associating the two of us with each other already.

heh. does that sound a tad codependent? i don't know. i might be experiencing being in a relationship in a new way with harold. i'm learning a lot of things about myself on the way. and i think i'm beginning to interact with other people better as well. it's the point of being in a relationship after all -- to grow and learn with each other. (although sometimes, i still prefer being alone and just staying quiet. it's already something in me i guess.)

ah. still. i'm young. there are, as a matter of fact, a lot of things to be learned. whether by myself or through other people, the world will continue to surprise and shock me. life will still be a bitch. and i will still be here, battered and bruised, but not beaten.

at this moment, in the half light, before i go to sleep, i will light a candle and silently thank the powers that be for making me decide to go to the moderator's meeting that particular wednesday night two weeks ago and for making the new guy, my bug, sit beside me and say hi.