so i cleaned my room. and in some dusty corner, i found a red plastic bag and what do i see inside? my old casette tapes. amazing. amazing how fate reacts at lightning speed once you tempt it. just yesterday i promised myself to move on and not look back. sigh. well i might as well look. so i pushed aside the pile of somethings on the bed and started sorting through each one of the albums that i had. to say it brought back different memories would be inaccurate. it would be more accurate to say it brought back a lot of old and dusty emotions, mostly from highschool.
i saw "this fire" by paula cole again. i put it on my old radio casette player and listened to the familiar anger and loneliness in her voice. her songs "throwing stones" and "me" struck chords within which were already gathering dust for a long time.
i also found "boys for pele" by tori amos. i'd almost forgotten how i'd liked dancing to "little amsterdam" and shouting with gusto the phrase "starfucker just like my daddy" in the song "professional widow."
and then there was also my hole album, "celebrity skin." that was a classic. it reawakened my dream of being a rock star, getting rich, getting a massive drug/alcohol/sex problem, and spending a chunk of my money on therapy. heh.
there were many others. like little birds being freed from their plastic bag prison, emotions welled up in me like tears. heh. well it's nice to look back i guess. just don't stare.
besides, this is part of moving on. cleaning up and sweeping the floors. how would you be able to let someone in without tidying up first, right? so there.
it reminds me of my static website's theme, In This Distant Town. it's a song from cardcaptor sakura, and it talks about looking back at the memories one has gathered, and using them as strength to move on...
I loved that song on the old tape.
A few scratches, a faded title,
a blurry dawn.
And so, the day repeats itself
accompanied by a summer breeze.
In a corner of the familiar day-by-day routine,
I suddenly meet with loneliness.
I'll never forget how fast
I could kick the wind on my bike,
going however far I wanted.
(La la la la) I'll sing my song,
with my face toward the sky.
(La la la la) It's my life,
I'll walk on
using my own strength
to go forward along this endless road.
With so many crossroads I'm always lost,
but though sometimes I wander
and sometimes I fall off the path,
I'm living the present.
Clashing with others,
accepting others...
Even when I grow up
I'll never forget.
(La la la la) I'll sing my song,
with my face toward the sky.
(La la la la) It's my life,
I'll walk on.
It's something that's mine alone,
so I guess I can have
some confidence in myself.
In the town we were born in,
we dreamed. Everytime I'm crushed,
I remember that just like that song,
there's something I can do right now:
step forward, even if just a little.
(La la la la) I'll sing my song,
with my face toward the sky.
(La la la la) It's my life,
I'll walk on.
(La la la la) I'll sing my song,
with my face toward the sky.
(La la la la) It's my life,
I'll walk on, using my own strength
to go forward along this endless road..."
--
in other news, buchi festival tonight because i said so! had six of the little demon feed, yes, six like the number of satan. i'm high and i'm liking it. it's as if someone clicked a switch inside me and i felt powerful, like i could stop bullets just by raising my hand. i probably scared bug to death with my evil maniacal laughter reverberating all over chowking at edsa central. altho during my lucid intervals, i managed to squeak out a few words to him. "i... will understand... if you... want to... break up with me!"
right now i'm a bit calmed down already. i'm glad the effects wear off over time...
--
meanwhile, somewhere very few people in this world, or rather, this buchi-filled reality knows about, a phone rings, and a cursor on a computer screen blinks continuously, relentlessly. patiently... a man answers.
MAN (V.O.) Yeah.
Call trans opt: received. 2-19-96 13:24:18 REC:Log>
WOMAN (V.O.) Is everything in place?
MAN (V.O.) You aren't supposed to relieve me.
WOMAN (V.O.) I know but I felt like taking your shift.
Trace program: running.
MAN (V.O.) You like him don't you? You like watching him.
WOMAN (V.O.) Don't be ridiculous.
MAN (V.O.) We're gonna kill him. You understand that?
WOMAN (V.O.) Morpheus believes he is the one.
MAN (V.O.) Do you?
WOMAN (V.O.) Doesn't matter what I believe.
MAN (V.O.) You don't, do you?
Trace complete. Call origin: #312-555-0690
WOMAN (V.O.) Did you hear that?
MAN (V.O.) Hear what?
WOMAN (V.O.) Are you sure this line is clean?
MAN (V.O.) Yeah, course I'm sure.
WOMAN (V.O.) I better go.
--
There must have been something in one of those six buchis...
