Some Things Don't Just Happen

oh dear. i was merrily bloghopping the past few hours and i was supposed to go to a friend's blog, but instead of typing in his username in the url, i absent-mindedly typed in his blog title -- which lead me to the journal of someone who died october of last year.

to say i'm creeped out right now, one in the morning, alone in my eerily silent little room would completely, utterly, and irrevocably be the understatement of many nights to come.

still... it's surreal reading the last days of the life of someone young... (shudders)

--

but after a while, it made me affirm something i already knew, but still forget at times: that it's really humbling more than anything, being human. and what counts in the end is the kindness we impart to other people, regardless of who they are. arrogance, attitude... it all fizzles up to worthlessness in the end.

if i die a stupid, weak person because i did the right thing, the kind thing, then let people call me stupid and weak, because i know in myself i did something right, something good. and i know it made a world of difference, even if it's just to one tiny little candlelight of a life in this vast, mostly unworthy collective of human sea.

those people who carry around an attitude and wear it on their heads like precious diamonds, in the long run, have higher, steeper, and deadlier cliffs to fall from. and the fall isn't even worth it. i feel sorry... and pity... and sadness for them now.

but i also realize as there are people who are kind and good, there are also people who are arrogant and insensitive, to realize the worth of kindness and goodness. and i should accept the existence of both.

sigh. it's easy thinking about it and putting it down in words. i just hope i have enough strength in me to deal with it in real life... and not think about killing someone -- or myself -- when i come face to face with it.

all the best for humanity.