Two Of Seven

I think out of the Seven Deadly Sins, I already cover two: Sloth and Gluttony.

When people ask me, "what are you going to do now?" I say, "I have no idea," even if I actually do. I plan on not doing anything until such time that either boredom or guilt kick my arse and point me to trudge in some random direction. In the meantime, I'm going to sit back, stretch my legs, watch the world go by, and sip Mountain Dew (or occasionally something with alcohol in it) under the hot summer sun like a long lost do-nothing Hilton brother. Sloth, ladies and gentlemen.

As for Gluttony, just last night I think I consumed enough food to feed a family of... gee I dunno... five, and they're having a special occasion? Jasper and I had dinner at Malaboni. It's um... I don't know what one calls it... basta it's a little more than a carinderia but not quite a restaurant type of place. Anyway, we both ordered this large ass serving of pancit canton and Jeeesus H. Christ, I could have sworn I was having an orgasm right then and there. It didn't help that the place was hot and I was sweating like the proverbial pig, and I was involuntarily making sounds one would normally just hear in bed... man, it was fan-fuckin-tastic. :P

It was difficult to have it end, but we had to go back to Jasper's place after that and do some serious work stuff. At around two in the morning, we got hungry again so we chucked any seriousness off the window for the meantime and we went to this nearby Pares place. Both of us ordered an ok serving of chopsuey rice topping. It was really, really good and I would have had more if I weren't running out of funds. Damn.

And finally in the morning, both of us still awake, we decided to stretch our legs and walk around the neighborhood. While walking, the sight of the looming McDonald's symbol made us hungry again. This time, we had breakfast as an excuse. Unfortch, when we got there, it was still closed. If it were up to me and my lazy ass, I'd just sit in front and wait for the damned place to open, but I was with someone so I had a bit of a personality tweaking to do. No choice then for me but to agree to go to the main part of town and see what could be open. When we got there, to our dismay, all the places were closed. Odd because normally, Jollibee and Tapa King are open 24 hours. Huff. So we just resolved to go back to McDonald's hoping it'd be open already.

It was.

As Steve Sandvoss said from the movie Latter Days, "I'm going to hell already anyway, I might as well take the scenic route."

This Is My Confession

this is my confession:
if i lose him
it will be all my fault

because i didn't
light a candle for him
when i said i would;

because i didn't
have enough faith in him
as he said i should.

this is my penance:
that i will live
within burning dreams

of a hope undying
in a restless memory;

of a ghost forever
in love with a reverie.

Tell Me Your Secrets

From a website filled entirely with secrets. Very similar
to another website filled with confessions.

Hunger, Exhaustion, And Being Horny

Spent Sunday evening at Oscar's place, talking about the website needed to be done for this year's Pink Film Festival. We didn't really accomplish much since I was really exhausted when I got there. We talked a bit about the theme for this year and the basic layout which he wants to happen, and how there were two other volunteers which have been really helpful so far. I'm looking forward to meeting them soon.

Then we drifted on to talking about more important things, mostly about sex and drugs and rock and roll. But I waved it off, told him I was too hungry to swim in angst, and I might go outside to get junk food and Mountain Dew instead. He didn't put up much of a fight since he was quite sleepy himself so he just said sure.

When I got back, Oscar was already asleep so I just stashed away what I got in the fridge save for the cookies and sat in front of the computer to do some idle surfing. Oscar had an email message window open, and it was an advertisement from Bed about some party or some such. I heard Oscar mutter something, so I figured he was a tad awake. While nibbling on my cookie, I said absently, "Cool. Bed. I was there two guys ago."

Crunch.

"Two WEEKS. I was there two WEEKS ago."

Oh boy. Me and my Freudian slips.

On A Quest To Save The World

So instead of going out tonight, I decided to stay in and play Sacred instead. I'd forgotten how great it felt to lose myself in such strange and magical lands where I didn't have to worry about work or money or love. Hahaha.

Anyways, this is my second shot at playing the game. I finished it the first time using a Dark Elf, and it was fairly easy. Now I reckon I'm already two thirds of my second run at the game and this time I'm using a Battle Mage.

It's really challenging since a Battle Mage is not only concerned with magic, but also with combat. I have to take into consideration those two factors when I'm building up my character. I can't focus mainly on spellcasting skills because I have to balance out his combat skills as well.

Regarding spells, I'm building a fire elemental mage -- I can cast fireballs, conjure up a powerful fire spiral, and surround myself with a protective flame 'skin' which harms enemies within a certain range. As for the combat side, I'm building a melee fighter which focuses on swords, and the flame skin spell helps a lot in this aspect.

But even though I'm quite adept with close combat, I'm still mainly a spellcaster and as such, I still have relatively low stats on defense and health. Because of this, I rely on finding good quality armor and items with resistance and dexterity bonuses. I also have two support spells -- spiritual healing and shield -- but I only use healing since the shield spell only deflects arrows and magic, and is useless when fighting in close quarters.

All in all, I think I'm off to a nice build. I'm thinking of learning some other spells -- even if they're not fire based -- such as phase shift (or teleporation), ring of ice (shards of ice shoot up from the ground which slows down and harms enemies), cataract of agility (boosts up speed and attack rate), reiki (health regeneration), and meteor shower (errr... a shower of meteors). But hey, I'm way far from the end and I still have a lot of possibilities going for me. It's really quite exciting.

Right now I'm in the middle of a desert, looking for Prince Valor's camp. I need to report to him the treachery of Baron DeMordrey and how his Shakura guards have been mistreating the kingdom. Plus, the orc tribes' unrest does not help the situation one bit. I'm very sure the increasing number of undead has something to do with this... and when there's undead involved, there's sure to be foul magic at its core.

My seraphim amulet is glowing. I see a blur in the sands. Arcane voices whisper in my ear and my fingers begin to stir the weave of magic surrounding me. As sparks of a fire spell crackle to life in my hands, I mutter with a wicked smile, "I have never felt MORE REAL in my entire life."

Hinahanap-Hanap Kita

It's cool the way Google changes its logos to reflect an occasion. Today, since it's Earth Day, the Google logo has little cute animals and a tree adorning the page. But... well... that wasn't really what caught my attention. It's this:



Anlabo diba?!?!! Before, "Malakas Ang Kutob Ko" was still a bit subtle. But now, parang, OH MY GOD, ETO NA! ETO NA! AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!! *dies*

I love Google Philippines. :-P

--

In other news, I've been spending as if I hadn't resigned from work. Yesterday I got a new shirt, a few days ago I spent a lot on junk food and Mountain Dew, a week before I went with friends for a Saturday night out, and tonight I'm going out for dinner, a movie, and another night of booze and dancing.

It's not that I'd foam at the mouth and pass out if I don't go out and spend. It's just because people ask, and I have trouble refusing. I'd much rather stay home and watch DVD's, or write, or cook up a new layout. Well... either those or I need to be chained and locked in a padded room.

But, as Death points out, "Live fast, love hard, leave a beautiful corpse." :-)

Barely Breathing

Got shot down twice in one day, yesterday. I knew it was possible, but I didn't know it would happen this soon and in this way. What I wasn't counting on, was if I would be able to live through every excruciating minute of it. But I did. Wow.

I'm not going to think about it that much (I promise) since fortunately, I had Jasper to count on for providing the booze, the junk food, the rivers of Mountain Dew, and the all night (well, two thirds of the night at least) movie marathon.

I love these rare moments of 'emotional herding' -- something to keep my senses in check and prevent them from shooting off in different random directions. I still can't help feeling waves of sadness, but I guess it's natural.

Anyway, right now I just got home. I'll live.

Forever On Fire

Happy birthday Hono'o-chan! The pun above is all because of our Xanthian roots. Heheheh... May you remain magical, young, and true. I love you. :-)

so as you shiver in the cold and dark,
look into the fire and see in its spark--
my eye
watching over you.

as you walk in the wind's whistling claws,
listen past the howling of the wolf's jaws--
my song
comes to you.

and when you're lost in the trackless snow,
look up high where the eagles go--
my star
shines for you.

in the deep, dark mine or on crumbling peak,
hear the words of love i speak--
my thoughts
are with you.

you are not forsaken,
you are not forgotten.
the north cannot swallow you.
the snows cannot bury you.
i will come for you.
faerün will grow warmer,
and the gods will smile,
but oh, my love, guard yourself well--
all this may not happen for a long, long
while...

-- wind by the fireside, a song from the forgotten realms

Indulging Paranoia

Heaven's Not Enough

heaven's not enough
if when you get there,
just another blue

and heaven's not enough
you think you've found it
and it loses you

you've thought of all there is
but not enough
and it loses you in a cloud

-- heaven's not enough, steve conte

My friend's right. I always think I'm right when what I really am is imposing. And it's not always the case when something is right that it's the best way to go. Nope, reality check: loving someone is not enough. Never enough.

So what comes next? I don't know. Maybe I should work on myself first. Maybe I should try figring out what to do with my life first. It could take a long time, and a big chunk out of my time alive. Possibly, it could take forever figuring that out, no exaggerations. So, am I really willing to do that?

Either that, or I should revert to a more 'ordinary' life. Something more simple, less complicated than what I'm dealing with now. But that's what my friend mentioned too -- that being ordinary is not an easy thing to achieve. Being ordinary is a challenge in itself. So if it is, what's left for me to do?

Seems like it's such a silly question right? I should just pick a path and go with it. But no, it's not that simple. It never is. I STILL HAVE ME TO DEAL WITH. Selfish, avoidant, escapist little me, always wanting to live in fiction, always wanting to go the easy way.

Sigh.

Anyway... in other news, I need to get new earphones for my iPod and I also need to upgrade lappie -- both of which I'm expecting would cost a lot of money. Apple products don't come cheap, and I heard that parts for laptops are hard to come by, making them very expensive as well.

No, I don't need psychotherapy to be happy. I don't need religion either. I NEED MONEY TO BE HAPPY. :-P

Nightmare

I'm having a MASSIVE hangover. What a way to capitalize the week. Urgh. Let me just say, when the drink is called NIGHTMARE, they don't mean when you sleep. IT'S WHEN YOU WAKE UP.

Strangely enough, even if my head feels like it's caving in and I want to vomit my stomach out... I'm loving every dizzying moment of it.

In The Dark Turns Of This Wicked Little Town

You know, the sun is in your eyes
And hurricanes and rains
and black and cloudy skies.

You're running up and down that hill.
You turn it on and off at will.
There's nothing here to thrill
or bring you down.

And if you've got no other choice
You know you can follow my voice
through the dark turns and noise
of this wicked little town.

-- Wicked Little Town (Hedwig Version), Hedwig and the Angry Inch

You know, you've been in my thoughts constantly these past two weeks that I guess it's funny how much I think of you as MY wicked little town. :-)

Honestly, I'm a bit bummed we won't be able to watch a movie tonight. Sure, I understand how fucked up Saturday nights can be, 'specially of you have a lotta people wanting you to be in different places at the same time. It just takes the fun out of partying. Sucks the life out of someone right? Right.

Sigh... Listen, I guess what I want to say is... I don't want to BE just any other someone. I don't want to be just another drop in your big, bad, red ocean. I appreciate very much that you're talking with me, and I'm really grateful for the couple of times you agreed to go out with me, but... call it pride, call it arrogance, call it insecurity... see, I've never been looked at as being just another human being my whole life. And when people start seeing me as such, I move away because that's not what I am. And I REFUSE to be one.

Here's the thing. I like you a lot. I like you so much that I'm willing to throw that idea out of the window. I can stand being just a lousy drop. I can deal with the occasional 'no, I can't go out;' and it's fine with me that sometimes when we talk on the phone and we both suddenly become quiet, I'm pressured to say something -- anything -- even to the point of coming off as an idiot. THAT'S how much I like you; THAT'S how much I'd like to keep you with me. I'm willing to swallow my pride and be looked upon as just another shade of grey.

Now, I'm not going to tell you this because I'm really just a mass of frustrated nerves and I'm not sure what I might be capable of saying because I'm still a bit angry even if I'm not entirely sure of the reason. Instead, what I'm going to do is take a bath, eat dinner, watch a movie by myself, party with some friends afterwards, and get on with my life. Because you know what? I like you so much, that I almost forgot I had a life. Unemployed and aimless as it may be.

Maybe I could use that as a reason to be angry. Then at least I would be able to mold out some sense in the cacophony of emotions swirling in my little brain right now. BESIDES, I need a drink. Yes, I'm still terribly missing you, but what choice does one have when one is living in such a wicked little town?

My Singing Debut

Mmmfffgg... OK, OK... See, I wanted to write about last night and how fun it was with two of my friends, getting drunk and singing our brains (and lungs, and stomach, and central nervous system) out in videoke, but apparently, my head is still swimming from any lost (now found) residues of alcohol in me.

Part of me's all wowed out and tripping since I haven't gotten into that level of inebriation in a long time, while another part of me's going oh lordie, I've got to get home right away to... well... um... Let's just say I had to make an emergency phone call last night in the middle of Freestyle and The Calling while I was still in control of my faculties, just to properly say good night. :P



Remembering the night when Pee made his
singing debut, the oiliest of them all. Hehe...

This Is How You Are Cruel

you: fine, go back to your dvd's and enough thinking about me.
me: ok ok.
me: but i can't promise you i won't think about you.
me: at least give me that.
you: okay fine then
you: :P
me: and can you promise me not to think about me too?
me: hehehehe
you: i can't promise you that either
me: okay fine then

So I put my IM status on Away to eat lunch and go back to watching Ghost In The Shell. You, on the other hand and almost right away, enable your webcam. No, I wouldn't call you a tease because you're not. You're just abso-fucking-lutely cruel.

And you're wrong. I AM smiling in front of the monitor. :)

Call Me Sappy Because That's What I Am

What my mind was last night, was entirely made of the stuff which most probably are the same as the kind of chaos which permeated the universe before the world was created. I may always seem like a mass of incomprehensible nerves, but this was what was careening through the cosmos of my mind while I was quiet, or when you were talking, or behind what I was actually saying:

For someone who is disarmingly arrogant and formidable in character, thank you for letting me see your frailty. Thank you for trusting me, even though you know I may be teetering on the edge as well. You've always been brave, and I guess you were never afraid of falling off anyway.

Lying down in the dark, with my arms around you and your head resting on my chest, I feel like every light mote of thought in me would implode and initiate a new big bang. A feeling as intense like that is something I don't think one would be able to deny at all.

Look, I could go on and on describing every detail, every groove and curve, every prickle of emotion in me... but I don't think that would do justice to the intensity of what I'm really feeling for you. Let me go to you, let me hold on for a few moments longer. One lifetime may not be enough to show my appreciation for last night, but let me try. And if in the end, I would still not be able to satisfy you and you would want fly away to chase another dream, I will let you go just because that's what you really want.

I don't expect you to believe me, because what are words right? Just like what Alice said, "I can't do anything with your easy words." So please stay for a while. Collapse in my arms like you say you always want to do. Let me kiss you. That would be the time when you believe.

Third Person Therapy

Another one of my third-person entries. When I resigned from work, having moments to write these is one of the things I was looking forward to. Now that I'm in the actual moment... well... I don't know what to feel about it. Anyway.

--

i remember it well the first time that i saw
your head 'round the door 'cause mine stopped working
i remember it well there was wet in your hair
you were stood in the stair and time stopped moving
i want you here tonight i want you here
'cause i can't believe what i found
i want you here tonight want you here
nothing is taking me down

-- damien rice, i remember

Miguel didn't want to be disturbed. Not that anybody will be disturbing him. He lived alone in his apartment. But the point is, he was very particular about that detail whenever he was painting.

Thing is, he's been locked up for three days already. Falling asleep on the couch while looking at a line on his canvass, thinking if it was done correctly and if it were in the proper place, or studying a particular shade of color. Darker... lighter... he's not sure, really. His eyes have been starting to lose their focus.

As with men obsessed, he forgets about the normal things people should be doing -- eating, bathing -- that even his cat was staying quite some distance from him just to avoid inadvertently coughing out premature hairballs. It wasn't very comfortable, it figured.

Miguel didn't mind though. He continued what he was doing and would not let himself be disturbed.

See, there is an actual story behind this. It just seems a little in excess for simple words to be expressed. Miguel's mind was a trainwreck, and it seems he'd just gotten wind that he was still alive, getting up from the devastation, wondering where he was.

And as a matter of fact, that was the first thing he asked waking up three days ago, the morning when Daniel said he would be leaving. "Where am I?" He said muffled through a tangle of sheets and pillows.

"You're impossible, Migs." Said a voice from the other side of the room. Solid, distinct, possibly awake and real. "Only two shots of tequila last night, and already you forget? You have it easy."

Miguel refused to be intimidated. He doesn't easily get surprised anyway -- always one step ahead -- which he's quite proud of. So instead of looking to where the voice came from, he closed his eyes and he tried to focus.

OK, he thought. The voice, familiar... Daniel. The smell, coffee... my room. Last night, party... downstairs. Me, bedsheets... naked. Hmm. That was easy.

So he opened his eyes again and reached out to where he remembered his underwear was. Sure enough, he found it, and put it on before standing up, taking his time. But his heart wasn't as easy to control as his body. He found himself talking. "You know I have nothing to apologize about, Daniel."

"No," Daniel said. Almost immediately, as if he was already expecting Miguel to say something like that. "No, Migs. You don't need to apologize. There's nothing to forgive, and anyway... I'm going."

"If you wanted to go, you could have done so without waiting for me to wake up."

Miguel heard a click, and the sounds from outside his room were silenced. He still hasn't looked at where Daniel was. Now he figured he was standing by the window. He closed his eyes and imagined Daniel by the window without a his top on. The voice in his head was saying, Get up, Migs. Go to him. Give him a hug. You don't need a sledgehammer to your brain to realize how badly you hurt him.

"You're right. I could have gone. But I wanted to talk to you. You know that, don't you? We have a lot to talk about. A lot to catch up on. We had so many years between us and it led up to what happened last night, right Migs? I wanted to wait for you. I wanted to stay, Migs."

Miguel could hear Daniel's voice trembling. He was ready for this, he could tell. And he's right. All those years kept inside him are all ready to spill out now. Just like last night, when he felt Daniel's cum spill out onto his things, his side, up to his chest. Years pent up, all let loose last night by a smile, a snide remark, and a bottle of tequila. It was a headache thinking about in such silence.

He felt Daniel rustle up to the bed and lay down beside him. He turned to look. Daniel's been crying. Miguel couldn't help it. "I... I'm sorry..."

Daniel let out a chuckle. "I thought you said there were no apologies."

So Miguel shut up. "No. You're right. No apologies." And he let himself be hugged by Daniel.

"But I still have to go soon Migs."

"No, you don't. We can leave. I have a friend in Davao. We can stay with him for a while. Until..."

"You were planning this weren't you?"

Miguel didn't like it when people could read his mind, but this was Daniel. He couldn't help being transparent when he was around him. The feeling was very disconcerting, but at the same time, it felt warm to be naked beside someone. So to speak. He pulled Daniel closer for tighter hug. "Mm. I was."

Daniel kissed Miguel's chest and inhaled. "Jerk. I can't just up and leave."

"I know. I know you can't. You're too nice. Too straight laced. You refuse something like... like love to sway you from the duties you think you have to perform."

"Love. You think you know love, Migs? You think just because you're an artist, just because you paint and you have command of the colors, you know what love is? Love is just a color, Migs. It's just red. The color of blood and heat and sex."

"Why Daniel? Can't you admit that you love me?"

"You arrogant bastard. Of course I love you. That's why I want to stay and make love with you like forest fires and raging, melting polar ice caps. I want to stay with you here forever Migs."

"So stay."

"No. I love you Migs. But I can't be happy with you."

"How can you say that? I'm happy with you right now."

"It doesn't follow. Things are not supposed to be like this. I know. And I know you know too."

Miguel kept quiet. Not because he didn't have anything to say. On the contrary, what he wanted to do was shake Daniel to his senses and make him realize that he wants him to stay, that no matter what, even if he becomes miserable, he only wanted Daniel to be beside him because that's what he knows love is. That's what he believes in.

But Miguel is quiet not because of that. He was quiet because he was considering what Daniel told him. It was always like this with Daniel. Play it his way. Organize your thoughts first. Make sure what you're going to say is well thought of or Daniel will not accept it. Even though he knows Daniel would leave him in any case.

So yes, Miguel knows what happened between them has been just a cruel trick of fate. It was just something to seal what they had between them. Miguel realized the necessity of its occurrence. That should be enough for him to move on. But he feels he needs to save it, with one more weak attempt... "But I love you, Daniel..."

"I know," and Daniel pulled himself from Miguel and got up. He started getting dressed, seemingly not worried at all if Miguel would stop him or not. Which, Miguel doesn't. "I have to go Migs. Your sister's waiting for me at home."

"Oh. Is that today?"

"Yes, oh. It's today." And as an afterthought before buttoning up his polo, "... and I'd appreciate it if I didn't see you there. I'm sorry, it would be too... you know."

Miguel stood up and helped Daniel with his shirt. It just felt natural to do that. Domestic. He let out a harmless chuckle. "Hey, it's my sister's wedding too you know. I'm expected to be there."

"But your father hates you."

"But I love you."

"That too," Daniel said with a smirk.

"Shut up," and Miguel felt like college again. The two of them in the room, joking around, enjoying being kids, and enjoying each other's way of reading their minds. It was a different kind of high, having someone finish your sentences for you.

"So," Daniel turned around and looked at Miguel.

"So."

"How do I look?"

"Like someone who didn't get fucked in the ass twice -- no, thrice -- the night before."

A smile. And then, "Goodbye, Migs."

So the smile was returned, and the door was closed.

Miguel turned around, and noticed a piece of paper on the window sill, being held down by a book. It was a note from Daniel.

"I was serious when I said for you not to go. It's not as if you can follow anyway. I lied when I said Annie and I were getting married today. Truth is, we're leaving the country. We've been planning it for some time now. Our flight is at 10AM. I can't see you again Miguel. And if I do, I will pretend I don't know you. You know I'm capable of that. You changed me, and allowed me to be cold. I thought something died in me last night, and you know what? I realized something did. I can't be happy with you Miguel. Not with you in your own little world. I can't be pulled into that direction. Not even if I love you so much, so much like supernovas and big bangs and forest fires and trainwrecks. You changed me. I don't expect you to understand. I'm happy this way. That's how much I love you. Good bye."

Ode To A Cruel Lover

It was so easy to fall prey to the voices in ones head. Why shouldn't one believe them when they're coming from inside?

In a room of pure white, who wouldn't notice a red spot? It could have been in the furthest corners, but it has been throbbing like a captured, restless, and angered heart. And, unsurprisingly, it demands attention like tribal drums for a god of war.

In a space where 'Here' is meaningless; in a time where 'Now' doesn't exist... what is there left to hope for, but 'Me' and 'You'?

Still I will not regret, and still I hope for release. No future, no past, no words... No words will ever suffice the way you had captivated me and laid claim to my room of white. I could try a few such as 'silent,' 'sublime,' and 'complete,' but in all honesty, they don't give justice on how cunningly you did so exactly.

And finally, I will not forget that the heart beating is only red because of the blood that you -- inexorably, inevitably -- drew from it.

I would tell you that you don't have to apologize (and I would find out much later that you don't anyway) since ultimately, you've done nothing wrong. Nothing, that is, apart from shattering me into a million pieces.

Kids Do The Darnedest Things

Only one type of person can be both rude and funny at the same time and in one quick moment. A Kid. Capital K. And I met up with one this evening. Sunday night, of all nights. My favorite night of the week.

My usual Sunday routine would be either to watch a movie if there's anything good, or just walk around the metro, taking in the Sunday evening silence of Makati CBD. This evening tho, I felt like having company so I asked this one person I've been talking with online if he wanted to watch a movie with me. He said sure, and after deciding on how we would go about meeting each other, it was set.

So anyway, we met up around thirty minutes before the screening time of the movie. When we did get to meet, I was mildly suprised since there was this Kid standing in front of me. I mean ok, he was 18 but the aura I was getting from him was that of a... 10 year old. It was very uncomfortable to say the least.

Only a split second with him and it was enough to say this Kid doesn't like me at all. Despite that, I still tried to make small talk while going up to the cinemas. He would answer with a nod or a shake of his head with any question I asked, even if it's not a yes-no question. I was getting irritated, but it was Sunday! I don't want to ruin my Sunday evening.

So we got to the ticket booth and lined up. I bought my ticket and when it was his turn, he hesitated awkwardly and he pulled away from the line. He told me he wanted to buy food first. So fine, we went to Wendy's and lined up. By that time I'd given up talking with him so we were silent as heck. He asked me if I was getting something, and I answered no. Then he was stammerring, saying he needed change for his money or something like that. I thought that was ridiculous since I'm sure whatever sort of money he had, the cashier would have change. We were in Glorietta for fuck's sake. But I was nice so I let it slide and instead of stepping on his foot and poking his eyes, I offered to pay for the tickets and told him he could just pay me afterwards, but he shook his head no.

This time I could feel -- and it was obvious -- something was off. After a few seconds of staring at him, I could almost hear the gears on his brain trying to churn up an excuse to walk away. Being the gentleman I was brought up to be, I offered help. "Listen..." I began to say, phrasing a sentence to make it sound like getting rid of me was not such a bad thing. But he cut me off. He said he's just going to see a friend at U and ask if he could get change from him, and he asked me to remain where I was and wait. Before I even got the chance to respond, he was running, literally running off to the entrance at U. The only thing I managed to do was raise an eyebrow and chuckle. What the hell? Apparently, he already thought getting rid of me was indeed not such a bad thing.

Well I didn't bother waiting. I walked to the cinema thinking, how rude. But then I remembered he's a kid. My brain was telling me the situation was supposed to be funny, and that's what kids do anyway so I had to be more patient and more open minded with the situation.

Is that right? Do I have to put up with it just because? I was just suddenly tired and weary. I was thinking throughout the movie, if most kids are just like the one I met... then oh my god. This world's got a lot of learning to catch up on. Most of all, this world needs a personality. Specially the Kids.

Sigh.

On the other hand, I think it's my hair. I knew I should have had my hair done. Tsk. Hehe... :)

An Elaborate Thank You

You know, I feel like I'm such a normal person when I'm around you. I don't know if I should be grateful since it always feels so disconcerting, but I'm going to thank you anyway.

I like it that you don't take me seriously when I joke about liking you. Or like yesterday when I said I miss the smell of the cologne you usually wear. (I may say things like that out of the blue, but I was listening to you the whole time I swear. And I can tell how much you missed Mississauga and one person in particular too. See, I was listening.)

You might or might not have noticed, but I was wearing my shades the whole time we were together because you were also wearing yours. I thought it was unfair that I'm not able to see your eyes, so I covered up mine. Even if I'm hopelessly nearsighted and I was bumping into people left and right.

I hated it that you left early when we just got to Robinson's Galleria, but I thought it was cute when you lit up the moment I told you I'd accompany you going there. At least I got to be on a bus ride with you.

I know, I know. It's odd, me talking about you like this. I admit, I feel a bit odd myself. But see, it's always a big deal for me during the rare times I feel like I'm a normal human being... And I guess I just wanted to say thank you.

PS: You're getting fat. :P

The Trouble With Internet Exploder

I woke up around thirty minutes ago. This is getting to be quite a pleasant habit, sleeping and waking up early. I feel healthier, even if I just stay in front of the computer all day.

Speaking of which, since the other day, I've been working on the new layout for my bloggie. It didn't turn out quite exactly how I wanted it to, but I still like it. Browser compatibility kills, and I'm hating on Internet Exploder right now for being such a stubborn little browser. I had to take on a crash course on CSS Hacks yesterday afternoon just to fix some bugs. My coding must look ugly as hell right now. Good thing it all worked out fine. I really do need formal training if I want to conform to web standards. (I still haven't tested on Opera tho, as well as Macintosh. Let's hope my site displays fine there as well or I swear I'd faint.)

Anyway, in other news, I'm selling my phone. Since I don't have work anymore, I'd be needing all the help I can get. So therefore, I'm making my almost brand-spankin' new 6260 available to the world! Current market price says it's at P17k. Bah. Well, I can work with that. Hit me at the contacts listed on the sidebar if anyone's interested, mm~kay?