You know, the sun is in your eyes
And hurricanes and rains
and black and cloudy skies.
You're running up and down that hill.
You turn it on and off at will.
There's nothing here to thrill
or bring you down.
And if you've got no other choice
You know you can follow my voice
through the dark turns and noise
of this wicked little town.
-- Wicked Little Town (Hedwig Version), Hedwig and the Angry Inch
You know, you've been in my thoughts constantly these past two weeks that I guess it's funny how much I think of you as MY wicked little town. :-)
Honestly, I'm a bit bummed we won't be able to watch a movie tonight. Sure, I understand how fucked up Saturday nights can be, 'specially of you have a lotta people wanting you to be in different places at the same time. It just takes the fun out of partying. Sucks the life out of someone right? Right.
Sigh... Listen, I guess what I want to say is... I don't want to BE just any other someone. I don't want to be just another drop in your big, bad, red ocean. I appreciate very much that you're talking with me, and I'm really grateful for the couple of times you agreed to go out with me, but... call it pride, call it arrogance, call it insecurity... see, I've never been looked at as being just another human being my whole life. And when people start seeing me as such, I move away because that's not what I am. And I REFUSE to be one.
Here's the thing. I like you a lot. I like you so much that I'm willing to throw that idea out of the window. I can stand being just a lousy drop. I can deal with the occasional 'no, I can't go out;' and it's fine with me that sometimes when we talk on the phone and we both suddenly become quiet, I'm pressured to say something -- anything -- even to the point of coming off as an idiot. THAT'S how much I like you; THAT'S how much I'd like to keep you with me. I'm willing to swallow my pride and be looked upon as just another shade of grey.
Now, I'm not going to tell you this because I'm really just a mass of frustrated nerves and I'm not sure what I might be capable of saying because I'm still a bit angry even if I'm not entirely sure of the reason. Instead, what I'm going to do is take a bath, eat dinner, watch a movie by myself, party with some friends afterwards, and get on with my life. Because you know what? I like you so much, that I almost forgot I had a life. Unemployed and aimless as it may be.
Maybe I could use that as a reason to be angry. Then at least I would be able to mold out some sense in the cacophony of emotions swirling in my little brain right now. BESIDES, I need a drink. Yes, I'm still terribly missing you, but what choice does one have when one is living in such a wicked little town?
