And while it is true humans have the freedom to choose, I can't help but wonder why most of the things happening to me right now are not because I want them to happen, but because the universe wants it to happen for me.
Like this job, for starters. I didn't want to work in the first place. Or at least, it wasn't in any of my short term plans. If anything, I just applied as a favor for a friend. I even tried to screw up my interview! I was practically throwing it away but here comes the universe serving it to me in a silver platter.
I have to admit though that it didn't turn out to be a bad thing. It's not unpleasant either. It's something I can do and not constantly complain about, is all. Nothing spectacular. But yes, I have been a drone for over a month already and I'm thinking maybe I'll stretch this state of mind for at least two, three months more.
But then yesterday afternoon... just yesterday afternoon things have taken a sudden turn and made another kink in my pleasantly grey little life. Yesterday afternoon, my supervisor and our manager talked to me and asked me if I wanted to be a Lead Agent for the team. (Now where have I encountered this similar situation before?)
Of course my mind was screaming "nooooooooooo," but other than that, I can't think up any other excuse to decline. My stats were OK, I live very near the office, I don't have any other things to do, I'm a walking, talking Free For All. So despite my inner protestations, I said yes.
And ever since then, I was in a constant haze. Either I dropped off from the world or the world fell from me. No, Podi, you had a choice. They weren't pointing a gun to your head, YOU were pointing a gun to your head.
Nevertheless I thought maybe I would have agreed anyway, gun or no gun. I don't know jack shit with this thing I just got myself into, I don't know if I'll last... but hey. Who knows when they're going to die anyway? I'll take my cue from Maxi and Sailor Moon and just love the things I can, while I still can.
