Trying To Overcome Brain Overload

The training is messing up my head. The topics are churning my brain to senseless mush, and the pressure is coming at me from all sides -- friends, family, and myself. Although part of me is telling me I can do it, it just doesn't amount to much if I don't like what I'm doing anyway.

It could get a little irritating when I always hear people telling me that I can do it, but the thing is I WANT TO DO IT AT MY OWN TIME, IN MY OWN PACE. Sounds bratty, I know, but that's how I function. I don't handle well under pressure. It doesn't take much for me to explode.

I'm not bringing myself down or anything, or I'm not saying that I have a negative frame of mind, but that's just how I am. I have my own strengths too. It's just that as my strengths are quite significant, so are my weaknesses.

Sometimes I get to think about it like in a role-playing game, where you get to choose a character class before starting the campaign. There are a lot of character classes one gets to choose from, and each character class has their own sets of strengths and weaknesses. It just so happened that I may be quite good with learning technical stuff, only, I'm weak at learning them right away. I can however, learn them at a context I understand and at the same time, at a pace when I understand them.

So what do I want to happen right now? I don't know. I'm seriously considering resigning. I think a semi-solid plan which I have right now, is to try and finish this training, and then maybe -- just maybe -- try a few weeks live on the floor. If I do get to that point, I could talk with HR and ask what my chances are of going back to E-Support. If it's not possible in the near future, then I would then have to resign.

Here's the catch... This has been the second day of training, and already I feel like my mind won't be able to last another thirteen days. I might cut my plans short and talk with HR right away. If I do that, the chances of me resigning would be higher than the chances of me being brought back to E-Support.

And what do I do after? I don't know. Again, I might go back to school, but that's highly unlikely. Or I might become a bum again, which is pretty much how things would go. Either way, not very pleasing paths to take.

After working in one call center, I don't think I'd want to work in another one, since they're all the same anyway. Sure, company culture may be different, but what's the point of moving to another company if I'd be doing the same thing? I'd be the same person wherever you put me. So after working for this company, I'd rather be doing something else. I'D RATHER BE ME, DOING SOMETHING ELSE.

Now here in training, everything is teetering to the negative edge of my scales. One, it feels like I'm back in school again, which absolutely bites. Two, I'm not ready to learn all this in one fell swoop. (I mean really. We were drafted two nights before we were supposed to start. Not enough time to adjust and psyche myself up -- and I like taking my time.) And three... well... I'm kind of...

sort of...

... almost...

... but not quite...

... STARTING to like someone.

WHICH IS ALL THE MORE REASON FOR ME TO LEAVE.