Little Boy Hiding Under The Covers

excuse me while i wiggle my legs back to its solid state. sheesh. i just finished my morning interview with a company i applied for. they told me to come back at 2:30 for a test of sorts, and if ever i pass that one, i'd be called in for another interview tonight. TONIGHT! sheesh! i don't even have time to hold my breath! things are going waaaaayyy too fast.

mike told me one foot was already inside, all i had to do was go in. i'm in the process of going in. i'm half hoping they won't shut the door on my leg, half hoping they'd push me out. i'm getting scared of the big picture -- how much of a grown-up it would warp me.

most of my life has been spent doing away with systems of any sort, although i inject myself once in a while just to live somewhat normally. even my mother said i was weird ("anak, ang weird mo."), and i was ok with that! i reveled in it! i was proud of the fact that i was different, more different than any other schmuck in a batman shirt and tattered shorts. i didn't grow old.

and now... now... i'm wearing a white long-sleeved top, black slacks, leather shoes, and i have a bag stuffed with my resumes. i look like an adult. boring, and in shades of grey. soon enough i'd be worrying about making more money and staying on top. i'd forget about making love on a stormy night or faking my death or working as a household help or loving like a trainwreck.

the only things keeping me sane are the cap i'm wearing and the songs playing on little podi. other than those, the kid inside this corporate-clad drone-to-be is scared.

scared of the big picture looming before his eyes.


PS: i'm overreacting i know, but guess what... WIMP WITH NERVOUS FINGERS TYPING HERE! i need a stress ball. to bite on.