When Ghosts Fall Silent

sleeping has never really been a problem for me. i'd be contented even if i get only four to five hours of sleep, never mind the time of day. but recently it's been getting insane, my sleeping patterns. it's beginning to shape up like how i wash my hair -- two days conditioning then the next day shampooing, except with sleeping, it's been more like two days awake through the night and almost half a day of sleep after. like last night, i slept at 9PM and woke up today almost 11AM.

i used to not mind it. after all, i get work done. but right now i'm feeling all sad and cosmic about it. it's weird. feeling sad because of not getting sleep. maybe it's because an hour or so after waking up, i prefer not talking. i just want to move around and do my things in my ugly out-of-bed self first, until the gloom of waking up dissipates silently to the air and the thick cake of sleep is gone from my eyes. then maybe i can be bright-eyed and bushy-tailed for another twelve or so hours being awake.

but those hours of keeping silent are slowly stretching throughout the day. i want to keep quiet and just plug my ears to music while going about the whole day. the brightest my eyes can reach is when i make the effort to smile, and that's a lot. give or take half a twinkle. (i miss my dimples.)

right now it's almost four and i haven't uttered a peep. not even txt anyone. i might be going home around 6, then wait until dinner. go online for a while, talk with people, play neverwinter nights for maybe an hour, and then sleep.

ok i sound like i'm complaining again. i'm not, i guess. i've been doing things that i like -- getting some writing done, practicing layouts, drawing a lot, talking with people i like...

sigh. i guess it's just human nature to want something more. that life can be better. i want to do a lot of things, reach out to a lot of people. love like a trainwreck.